Helping Steve, helping Me

Nearly twenty years ago I met a man that had a profound effect on me. His name is Steve and he was a wonderful artist, a Human Being and a mentor to me. My relationship with Steve was tainted by my unforgivable naivete. Steve had had an interesting life. I use the word "interesting" as a euphemism for something much coarser. Steve was already a well known artist when he finished High School and went on to get a degree in Art. At the very end of his formal education, he started having problems and was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. From there on, nothing but problems, myself included.
I was such a little shit; stupid, judgemental, arrogant, know-it-all and mouthy. In other words, I had the 'plague'; removed from my Humanity. It is a fine indication about his character that he didn't just push me off a bridge. Now that I am redfaced and eating humble pie, let me explain just how he impacted me. Since he had gone through the mill, finely ground and reground, he understood mental illness. I was in the grips of it without any clue. I didn't hear voices or cut myself or do really weird stuff, so I thought that I was "normal". I was so shut down that I couldn't see myself as I was. I had a lot of money, all of it illicit. Double Manhattens for lunch, to go with the 'healthy' hot spinach salad. No friends, no future, numb to myself and no recourse.
I thought I was there to help him! How considerate. I gave him advice and I was sure if only he would follow that advice, he would "pull out of it". He just didn't get that I was dispensing lifesaving words of wisdom and if only-----. Dear Reader, picture me then and picture you giving me a swift kick in the gonads. Thank you. Ahhm, once more, please, with feeling and resolution, I deserved it.

You know who taught me about transparency? Steve did. His transparency was just heroic. I was stunned. Even then, with all the dumbshitness piled on, I knew that I was witnessing something remarkable. All my headtalk couldn't drown out his authenticity. Something about that pierced my armor. I was on the road to better, without my knowing.