the all-new paranoid

Once upon a time, entrance into the paranoid club was a fairly simple matter. Not much was expected, I mean one did not have to create fantastic scenarios to qualify. Things have changed; gone are the days of simple conspiracies and vague suspicions.
Now, I resent that. I am some people's favorite paranoid (natch, can't give names nor even think about who they might be)and I take this status seriously. I have always disliked keeping up with the Jones's, it is a waste of time. However, this new situation is just abhorrent. It has to become a race to the bottom, best I can see.
For those of you who don't even have one paranoid bone in your bodies, let me try to illustrate the seachange in the field of pop-paranoia. Used to be all that was required was to intimate that we are being "watched" would get you into the club. You didn't even need to go hollerin' about it or have a wild-eyed look about you. Not any more. Now, if you say that the Gov'ment is listening to your phone conversations and reading your mail, you are not paranoid, YOU ARE JUST WELL-INFORMED. That wild-eyed look, well, you can get that at Starbucks and it is called a double-quad latte, hold the milk. Damn. What is a former Paranoid to do?
Now that I am no longer a Paranoid, rather a Realist, I am fine-combing the dark recesses of my cerebrum for some outlandish shit to take to the secret meetings. It is exhausting and I am resentfull that I can't even think of weird enough crap to impress my fellow skulkers. I have searched and searched and the old littany of stolen elections; lied into war; false flag operations; enroning and swiftboating; the old standbys just make 'em yawn.
So, help me out. I need to come up with really impossible stuff so that I can recover my status. So help me out, please. A lot is at stake here.