fear of life, fear of death

I have come to love life and it is scaring the crap out of me. I was never really alive, so I never feared death. Now I am at times so overcome with the wonder of this marvel, that I melt inside and overflow. I feel like my time here is so short......so much, so much left undone. It is sweet and sad.
I have come to the point that was told to me in my early twenties: in my fifties I will have arrived. I am not alone. I am coming into the promise. Now I look suspicious at the reaper. I am angry about that absolute reality.
Here is the great quote for old humans: Youth is wasted on the young.
I knew an old man who gave me some advice that I studiously ignored. He said that if he had known he was going to live so long ( he was nearly eighty ), he would have taken better care of himself. He also told me about the dangers of Trans fat, long, long before anybody ever heard about it. Other stuff too, that has yet to come into the light of common knowledge.
The fear of feeling things, be it life or death and so much else, I handled by shuting down my emotions, choosing a form of death over the pain of being alive. Even the good stuff, the fun stuff was too much, too intense. Safety in numbness. I chose security over life.
It was a coping tactic and it worked for me. I didn't have the knowledge, support nor guidance to learn about my emotions. This aspect of myself , I now realize, is OH! so important. Also, if I am to make progress, I need to carefully lead myself to emotional maturity.