Sometimes, to get out of a mental rut, we need extraordinary help. To wit: who will tell us that we are difficult if our friends can't get that across to us, or if we are unwilling to see. That is when we, if we are lucky, come into contact with a rare opportunity; a mirror appears.
I am in that fortunate space right now. One of my aquaintances is an extraordinary prick. Judgemental, mean spirited and destructive. Realy gets under my skin. That that person irritates me so much is a sign that there is work in store for me. I have known this for some time, based on the intensity of my reaction, the number of times I think about the situation and the lenght of time I spend being angry.
Yesterday, the dam began to break. I have been amiss in my behavior. I can't plead ignorance, as often I catch myself being a prick and instead of apologizing, shrugg it off. Tension grew and grew. It is not just enough to reflect on the problem, to skirt it intellectually, I need to deeply understand the flaws in my psyche. The deep understanding started to wash over me, leaving my mouth a-gape and the veil came off my eyes, if only partially. I came to understand the destructive nature of judgements and assumptions, some of my favorite forms of distancing myself (from people and the world).
Of course, the full understanding will take a long, long time. This knowledge comes slowly, bit by bit. Too much may be overwhelming.
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About Me
- roberto kiam borderlineartist@gmail.com
- I live in a quaint, little town, plagued with the specter of speculation and commerce. I am trailer trash,with wishes for good dishes. I shoulda died long ago, but like a rescue dog, didn't. I am indescribably scattered. I speak three languages. I walk a tenuously, true path. I am lucky. For myself, for others. God, it is said, protects orphans, widows and the innocent.
1 comment:
That's where we human beings are vulnerable: unlike animals,we don't always know how to avoid what is detrimental to ourselves or destructive. What we need to learn is how to shield ourselves, so as to filter inputs, and not behave as sponges, and be able to direct our energy toward more worthy or positive things. However isn't it where the beauty of our condition lies,in that vulnerability? We sometimes learn from our "mistakes", we can also learn from destructive people that cross our path.
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