I went to the grocery store in search of the Magical Fried Chicken, bought some and ate it. Flavor-less. The whole town is flavor-less today. I have been reflecting on how something missing, like the Cafe, will change my whole-town view; how La Conner is bleaching out for me, shrinking. It is a matter of attitude. The slightest shift in viewing angle that changes totally what is perceived. Yaaaaahhhhhhh!! That was a scream of lament.
So now what. I thought about wretched places in Mexico, abject poverty apparent to all, yet there was a spirit that reigned, a royalty of life that made me cherish those places. Who knows, I don't intend to romanticize poverty and deprivation, nor impoverish romanticism, nor deprive anyone of Poverty---.
I have been thinking about the courage to live life. I confess, I am a coward. I admire, for example, Annabelle, who is just brimming with life. I envy the ease and familiarity with which she, unabashed charges into the fray. I am held back by my own studious gravity. It is insulation, for I am above all frightened by my own nature. Even the good stuff, the golden shadow, is unbearable. There you have it, that is my confession. Just a little boat drifting on a vast inland sea, without direction and purpose.
And yet, there is something else, undefined, vague and shrouded. It glimmers.
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About Me
- roberto kiam borderlineartist@gmail.com
- I live in a quaint, little town, plagued with the specter of speculation and commerce. I am trailer trash,with wishes for good dishes. I shoulda died long ago, but like a rescue dog, didn't. I am indescribably scattered. I speak three languages. I walk a tenuously, true path. I am lucky. For myself, for others. God, it is said, protects orphans, widows and the innocent.
8 comments:
"La Conner is bleaching out for me, shrinking". Roberto, go to your ophtalmologist and have him remove that weird white veil you got over your eyes. I wanted to tell you it's been a while, you really need to do something about that :)
"La Conner's shrinking"
Yes and no. It's like you were suddenly viewing the town from the top of a very high tree, and seeing it as it actually (?) is, a tiny little town with (not)? much going on. Actually that's what we were talking about, it's gonna force us to get out of our comfort zone, and explore the rest of the town. Hummm...How about taking another viewing point yet, that would be to say that the town, and your perception of it, are gonna be partially made of what YOU put in it, or determined by the angle from which you look at it. Try look at it from several different mental places. What do you see? Good meditation exercise.
"The courage to live life": I'd add "to live unwanted changes". Here we are, one of the core beliefs of buddhism, or zen meditation. I guess a master of either discipline would call that detachment - honestly I've never believed in that one as a good one for humans - however, I do believe that viewing unwanted changes not as a disruption, but as another landmark on your path that will teach you something, and possibly bring some good, is one step away from that concept, and that's how I try to view changes. Nothing is permanent, everything moves, and it is sometimes a good thing. Whenever I am confronted to unwanted change, or when I don't understand why something happens to me -or why it doesn't happen- I keep thinking there must be a reason for that, that I don't necessarily see at the moment. Look at some of those moments for a while, didn't they all bring something for you in their wake?
"Just a little boat drifting on a vast inland sea, without direction and purpose.
And yet, there is something else, undefined, vague and shrouded. It glimmers."
Maybe you don't see the direction and purpose now, which doesn't mean there isn't any. That is called transition. The fact that you chose the image of the little drifting boat is telling: you are going somewhere, you just don't know where exactly. Does that really matter? Sometimes the voyage itself is more interesting than the destination harbor. And you are sailing on an inland sea, that you are part of, so maybe the glimmer is just what that sea has to teach you, that is how she's trying to attract your attention. So take it, enjoy the wind, even if it sometimes turns into storms. Look at the wake behind your boat, look at the glimmer ahead. Especially when it's all dark, that glimmer is beautiful, and always there. - that is, if you do remove that damn ugly veil from over your eye, man, what an eyesore!-
Mr. Anonymous, as I'm not sure who you're answering to here, I'll just answer your post, by telling you that part of what you're saying is exactly what I'm trying to say to Roberto, that is, your vision of the town is what you bring in it from yourself. I do believe in the changing viewpoint idea, and I have always thought that life is very, very often about what you put in it, and what you carry along within yourself. To people who ask me if I ever miss my native country, I tell them no, and I carry my native country and my identity, within myself, and guess what, that helps a lot in adapting anywhere.
And,Mr Anonymous, several, if not many people do regret indeed the closure of the cafe, but many either don't have the money to start a similar business, or already hve a life, a job, like me, and can't do so. Anyway this is not only about a cafe closure, it is about a community place disappearing. But what is disappearing is only a physical location: What indeed took place there will go on, as solid friendships were born and developped there.
Ah! and please stop presenting Gretchen as a victim whom people took advantage of, I don't think she'd like that: Gretchen is a generous person indeed, but talking about her as somebody who doesn't have a will of her own to decide of who she helps, or what to do with her business, or talking about about her as somebody being manipulated by a bunch of profiteers - that's what you're saying, isn't? - is not only ridiculous, it is an insult to Gretchen herself,who is a strong personality, and did what she did by choice, and it's also an insult to all the people she cares for.
Come on now, Mr.got no b... -excuse my English - get out of the shadow, you who are so good at judging, lecturing, and pontifying.
Let me check... hummm not that I know of :)
BTW, smoking right outside the doorway, now that could be me, and I wouldn't do this if the owner didn't allow it. Now are you a law enforcement officer? :)
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