The Squirrel War part 3

Please scroll down to read parts 1 and 2

Let me try to explain the nature of boys and the numerous indignities inflicted on them by society. Boys mostly want to be left alone. They have important stuff to do and are in a constant fight to maintain their high ideals. At every turn there are blocks put in their way, blocks that have to be deftly circumnavigated. It requires courage, smarts and an unflagging drive to maintain these noble priorities, especially in the face of endless pressure, opposition and a whole lot of obviously stupid crap.
At heart, boys honor their long genetic history. They are hunters. If the fridge is well stocked, their hunting manifests itself in the form of 'finding and figuring out'. There are so many theories and hypothesis that need testing, reformulating and retesting. It is O.K. to get information from others, but stuff needs to be put trough a rigorous series of experiments in order to extract the essence of truth. In the spirit of scientific endeavor, boys leave no stone unturned. Which is why you gotta be careful when you tell a boy what NOT to do, cause, you know, the scientist comes out. He can't help it.
So, unless it is just raining cats and dogs, or hailing fist size iceballs or colder than a frozen coca cola, school is the most unforgivable waste of time. More than a waste of time, it is outrage, as they squeeze you in there with (shudder) prissy girls. Yukko yuk yuk yuk. It is obvious that girls are in school just to magnify the indignities foisted on the boys during school hours.

So, I was very, very puzzled by Veronica. She was a girl and I knew she couldn't help it. Some enormous injustice was done, like what happened to Captain Danger when the Evil Allegorians crushed his hands and he had to use those neat-o gloves with the built-in guns and lazer blasters and they got theirs in the end when he saved the planet earth from those invading hordes of Corpserators that were the underlings of the Allegorians and were about to cut the earth up and enslave the Hummin race. Yeah, kinda like that. Cause Veronica was kinda a boy, and boy how dee, she could climb trees and run and wrestle bettern me. She liked snakes and frogs and even spiders, where I drew the line, I didn't much like spiders cause I got bit by one and my hand swoll up real bad. Stay away from spiders. They can bite worse than dogs. She hated wearing dresses, which I understood. Bad enough school clothes and ughh, shoes, but dresses? She had it worse than me. Maybe I felt sorry for her and that is why I liked her, but there was something else, something deep and disturbing. Like when we would wrestle, she would say: "You better wrestle strong or I'm gonna kiss you!" Eweughhhh yuk, that would get me real mad, so I would try to get out from under her like I would try real hard, but zooks she was stronger than a boy and had me pinned but good and I was a good wrestler, too. So when she kissed me, it wasn't so bad. I kinda liked it. I got all quiet inside.

So it was while Veronica and I were 'alleycattin' one day, which is taking shortcuts and keeping off the main streets that I saw the first squirrel in the loose. I thought of Mr. Gramm right away and I pointed out the squirrel to Veronica and said: "I know, lets go see Mr. Gramm and tell him about the squirrel, maybe one of his is missing." We ran all the way, with Veronica going a little slower so I could keep up. Breathless we came on Mr. Gramm sitting in the pale sun by the side of his workshop, looking very pleased and peaceful, like I used to know him before the squirrel plan went sour."
Mister Gramm, Mister Gramm there is a squirrel loose in an alley across town." I announced.
He opened his eyes and nodded real pleased like. "I know, I know. There has been a prison break!" He said with glee. It was good to have the old Mr. Gramm back.
He showed us the place where the squirrels "chewed" through the chicken wire.
"Who's your friend?"
"Oh, uh, this is Veronica. She's a girl, but she is nice."
"Hungry?" he asked.
Sardines and crackers. Sure enough, Veronica liked sardines and crackers.

That's how we got squirrels and how Veronica got to eat sardines and crackers.